Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever the profession.

I learn from the people who take my advice.

I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my office, when what I am listening to is clearly in 4/4.

Common sense is like deodorant; the people who need it most never use it.

I need new haters. The old ones became fans.