Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

Remember, if you can't say something nice, make it funny.

I don't need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.