Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

Two blood cells fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.

I would love to get paid to sleep...It would be a dream job.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

After a short conversation, someone asked me if I was a nerd.
I said I preferred the term "smarter than you".