Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I sent that 'Ancestry' site some info on my family tree. They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over.

Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.

I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.

Call me silly but I'd prefer to eat cookies than worry about having a six pack.

A friend just gave me a packet of sugar as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.