Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Prepare your kids for social media. Put their artwork on the fridge and write a bunch of mean comments under it.

Did you know that there are more airplanes underwater than submarines in the sky?

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I went to get acupuncture the other day, and when I got home my voodoo doll was dead.

A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.