Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

My boss said "You are late to work for the third time this week. Do you know what that means?" "It's Wednesday?", I replied.

I know I don't have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.

You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.