Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Doing nothing is so hard because you never know when you are done.

I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

BREAKING NEWS: The inventor of yodeling has died. Sadly, so did his little old lady too.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.