Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name is Steve.

I sat on poison ivy and a four leaf clover. I got a rash of good luck

I love my dentist. Every year I give him a little plaque.

I wonder how many animals we tried to ride before we discovered horses we cool with it.

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.