Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Self checkout should include an employee discount.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I can help you out.

Any pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself.