Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Yesterday I tried to catch fog in a jar. I mist.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.

I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.

I sent that 'Ancestry' site some info on my family tree. They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over.