Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.

I haven't tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys. So I am pretty sure I hate yoga.

Life Tip:
Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.

Since there is only one of me, does that make me endangered or limited edition?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.