Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If something's not going right, try left.

I just changed my relationship status from "left hand" to "right hand"…

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

That awkward moment when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you...

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

I'm mature, but not mature-mature. For example I still use "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to figure shit out.