Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

I'm mature, but not mature-mature. For example I still use "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to figure shit out.

I used to teach origami. Gave it up. Too much paperwork.

The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.

I once had an argument with a pen. It came to a draw.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?