Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy.

I used to teach origami. Gave it up. Too much paperwork.

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

My coworkers accused me of having OCD, I immediately put them all in their place...