Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right?

When you said friends with benefits, I assumed you meant health and dental.

The meaning of opaque is unclear.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.