Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Why do they call it after dark when it's really after light?

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.

Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem nice.

Be nice to nerds. You might end up working for one someday.

I don't have a drinking problem. I'm just really thirsty.

How good would it be if a liar's pants really did catch on fire!