Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I wonder how many animals we tried to ride before we discovered horses we cool with it.

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

I wonder if the arachnophobia helpline has a website?

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.