Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

I don't always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I'm probably at work.

I don't always post on Facebook, but when I do, it's probably a picture of food.

Me and my friends are in a band called "Duvet". We're a cover band.

I found out my neighbor breeds deer for racing. He's always trying to make a quick buck.

What I like about chiropractors is they always have your back.