Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If you hold the sole of your foot to your ear, you can hear the sound of your hip dislocating.

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended.

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.

Did you hear about the giant who threw up? It's all over town.

To be successful in life, have these: backbone, wishbone, and a funny bone.