Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My New Years resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. I am happy with my progress. Only 12 more pounds to go!

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them surprise party.

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. I laughed more than I thought.