Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

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More silly statuses for social media you might enjoy

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.

I made a huge to-do list today. I just need to figure out who's going to do it.

Today I bought a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to paper.

I upset two men today when I referred to them as hipsters...
Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'

I love going outdoors. It is much safer than going out windows.

Strange new trend at the office. People are putting names on food in the fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

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