Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

Bees hum because they don't remember the lyrics.

Embracing the chaos, mostly because the calm was charging a cover fee

Doing nothing is so hard because you never know when you are done.