Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

Did you know that there are more airplanes underwater than submarines in the sky?

Everyone I know is a 'snack getting stuck in a vending machine' away from total collapse.

Anything is possible when you don't know what you’re talking about.

You never know what you have. Until you clean your room.

I'm old enough to know better, but silly enough to still think I can do it anyway.