Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10 to 2 instead.
Humans are 75% water - basically cucumbers with anxiety.
Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep. Can I offer a selection of your worst memories?
Everyone I know is a 'snack getting stuck in a vending machine' away from total collapse.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.
I like eating Nerds because I'm secretly hungry for aquarium gravel.
I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
You look like I need a drink.