Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
You have to be odd to be number one.
I intend to live forever, so far so good.
Why do people have to get ready for bed?
I’m always ready for bed.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Life Tip:
Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
I've never felt more like a dummy than the day I learned my proctologist is also a ventriloquist.
I have many great qualities
or as my therapist calls them
"symptoms".
Have you heard of Amal and Juan, the identical twins? Their mother only carries a photo of one of them in her wallet, because if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.