Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I found out my girlfriend is a ghost. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

I lost the volume control knob on my antique radio. I keep checking the Lost and Found to see if anything turns up.

Today I found out that spring rolls are not just for eating in spring.

A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners Association.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

I hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only #1, 3, 5, 7 & 9 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.