Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Sure, I drank brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!

I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.