Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

I recently took a pole. 99% of people were annoyed when their tents fell down.

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.