Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.

When I was young we were so poor, we sometimes only had bits of old rope to eat... I would often skip lunch

I don't believe in child labour; But sometimes they are the only ones who can figure out what's wrong with my computer.

No one goes before their time,
unless the boss leaves early.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I ran out of toilet paper, so I started using the newspaper. The Times are rough.