Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

They say you are what you eat. In what did I eat anxiety and back problems?

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.

I sent that 'Ancestry' site some info on my family tree. They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.