Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I have come to the conclusion that buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

I am ready for retirement. Now I just need to figure out how to fund the next 50 years.

The hardest things our kids will do in 20-30 years is finding a username which isn't already taken.

Exercise can add more years to your life. I just ran a mile and I already feel like I'm 82.

I ran out of toilet paper, so I started using the newspaper. The Times are rough.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.