Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I think I managed to fix my friend's broken microphone. Still waiting for some feedback.

Advice needs a good listener.

I don't need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

You're so vain. You probably think this post is about you.

People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.