Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Is a USB a backup in case the USA fails.

What I like about chiropractors is they always have your back.

I wonder if Harvard is angry it doesn't have a comma named after it?

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

I don't understand why I can't lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.