Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.

"You Only Live Once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.

If something's not going right, try left.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.