Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I got the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up. Now I am in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

They say you are what you eat. In what did I eat anxiety and back problems?

Listen... "8 glasses a day" is a just scare tactic used by Big Water to keep us all dependent.

My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds really fun if you don't know what either of those two things are.