Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Struggling to get your wife's attention? Just sit down and look comfortable.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
If you haven't grown up by age 50, you don't have to.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Using your turn signal is not "giving information to the enemy".
Me and my friends are in a band called "Duvet". We're a cover band.
Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% battery remaining.
Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.
I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes. They performed unspeakable acts on me.