Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

I am ready for retirement. Now I just need to figure out how to fund the next 50 years.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode.

My brain has too many tabs open and three of them are frozen.

Why do people say "I saw it with my own eyes". Do they sometimes use other people's eyes?