Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist.

I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

You're the peanut butter to my jelly.