Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Most bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

I'm mature, but not mature-mature. For example I still use "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to figure shit out.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy.

Do you know the worst part about books on rock climbing? Too many cliffhangers