Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

My wife told me to choose between her and my cigar collection. I'm really going to miss her.

My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear...

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.

I haven't been skiing in years. My technique is going downhill fast.