Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I love my dentist. Every year I give him a little plaque.

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

I wonder if Harvard is angry it doesn't have a comma named after it?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.