Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

The first step of forgiveness is understanding some people are just stupid.

Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

I don't need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.