Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I know I don't have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

I don't know if my pants are feeling loose because I'm losing weight or the elastic is finally giving up the fight.

Throwing scrabble tiles at each other is all fun and games until someone loses an i.

Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs?

I hate it when I'm singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.

I used to wonder what it would be like to read other people's minds. Then I got Facebook.