Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I don't understand why I can't lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.

I know I don't have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

I don't know if my pants are feeling loose because I'm losing weight or the elastic is finally giving up the fight.

I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn't have done this to me."

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"