Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Using the wrong tool during surgery can be heart wrenching.

Sure, I drank brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!

I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

My boss said "You are late to work for the third time this week. Do you know what that means?" "It's Wednesday?", I replied.

Always remember to the change the oil in your time machine once every 6 months or 3,000 years.

When I was young we were so poor, we sometimes only had bits of old rope to eat... I would often skip lunch