Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Nothing ruins Friday more than realizing it's only Wednesday.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.

My New Years resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. I am happy with my progress. Only 12 more pounds to go!

I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate.

One of the most expensive things you'll ever do is pay attention to the wrong person.