Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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My uncle writes 'LOL' on every post including the ones about funerals.
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The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
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My financial situation is like an hourglass. Everything eventually falls to the bottom.
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Life is too short to remove a USB drive safely.
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If I were a vegetable, I'd be a couch potato with high ambitions.
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Facebook: where people share things you didn't ask about to people who don't care.
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I'm old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway.
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Every time Facebook shows me a memory I think 'delete this evidence immediately.'
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Facebook marketplace is proof that people will try to sell literally anything.
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Facebook relationship status options should include 'it's complicated and I don't want to talk about it.'
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