Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Call me silly but I'd prefer to eat cookies than worry about having a six pack.
Give up carbs? Over my bread body!
The trouble with being punctual is that no one cares.
Teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other. What do I have in total?
Student: A drinking problem.
After the doctor left the room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
To the person that stole my glasses - I will find you, I have contacts.
I'm launching another series of books aimed at kids. Maybe this time I'll hit a few
While most puns make me feel numb, math puns make me number
"Yeah, I pretty much don't sit by the pool anymore."
- Marco Polo