Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

People say I've got no willpower, but I've quit smoking loads of times.

I tried to write a pun about the wind, but it just blew away.

My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So, I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask

I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

I'm writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don't read it.

I wanted to be a baker, but I never rose to the challenge.

I like my racks big, my butts smoked, and my sauces tangy.

If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.