Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
I've never felt more like a dummy than the day I learned my proctologist is also a ventriloquist.
I have many great qualities
or as my therapist calls them
"symptoms".
Have you heard of Amal and Juan, the identical twins? Their mother only carries a photo of one of them in her wallet, because if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.
At first leeches seem like an archaic and disgusting treatment for disease, but they grow on you.
Exercise can add more years to your life. I just ran a mile and I already feel like I'm 82.
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
Official family troublemaker.
Don't take life too seriously.
You will never get out alive.
I finally found a machine
at the gym that I like:
the vending machine.