Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I'm confused by the "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn't named Marvin.
How important do you have to be before you're considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
I was in the middle of the corn maze and it felt like I was being stalked.
LIFEHACK: be born very wealthy
My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.
I found out my neighbor breeds deer for racing. He's always trying to make a quick buck.
REMINDER: September is Procrastination Awareness Month!
I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.
I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.