Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
One of the most expensive things you'll ever do is pay attention to the wrong person.
It's shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Advice needs a good listener.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Kidnapping? I prefer the term "surprise adoption."
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.
The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten."