Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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My brain is currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please try again later.
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I feel so bad for not emptying the trash bin icon on my computer.
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My brain says "go to the gym," but my bed says "stay right here."
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What do you call the chap standing next to a hole? Doug
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I heard the best way to release emotion is to write letters to the people and burn them. What do I do with the letters?
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When I was little I went to a child psychologist. That kid did nothing for me.
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Does anyone want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure...
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A space heater seems like the perfect housewarming gift.
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I once entered a weather pun competition. I beat the raining champion.
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I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitoes.
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